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“My child is very smart” What does it mean to be really smart?

Written by：Dr. Chang Kit

There are many advertisements on television that target the children’s market, including clothes, food supplements, powdered milk, stationery, tables and chairs, and so on. One of the main points is that making children smarter, or making the most of their intelligence, is a good selling point. This selling technique captures a key point in every parent’s mind, that their child is the best.

Let’s not discuss the truth, logic and objectivity of this statement, but all parents with children will agree with it, including me. However, in the process of raising children, this “smartest theory” may influence us to expect too much on our children. Therefore, we can take a step back and look more clearly. In our daily work, here are five behaviors that fathers often praise their children for.

1. “Two-year-old kids know a lot of tablet functions.

Because the tablet screen is controlled by fingers, the child’s random pointing movement makes it easy to manipulate the screen. There are no adult logic limitations, so it is not difficult to discover new functions that most children can do.

2. “Six-month-old kids can read people’s faces and react with pouting and temper actions.

This response has been medically proven to be one of the developmental milestones for all children. This two-way response to behavior through the reactions of others is a learned response, and children who lack this response are likely to be suspected of having perceptual problems or the first signs of autism.

3. “Three-year-old children can use adult words.

Research shows that children can learn up to six languages at the same time during early childhood, which means that their brains are constantly listening to the words and phrases around them. Even if they don’t understand the meaning, they can repeat it like a parrot learning to speak. Adults who think they are not teaching their children directly, but they know, may think that this is a genius mode of learning, which is not true.

4. “It’s amazing how children sometimes ask questions that even I can’t answer.

One of the reasons why the complaint culture is so prevalent in Hong Kong is that there is no cost: as long as a complaint comes out of your mouth, someone will always follow it up for you, without any effort at all. The same is true for children’s questions. They just ask words like “why”, “why” and “what” and parents try to answer them as best as they can. In actuality, these questions are simply an expression of the child’s disobedience, not a real learning process. Therefore, it has nothing to do with intelligence.

5. “They like to disobey the rules when they play and make up their own new rules.

Following rules is a social law set by the adult world. Children, like people in undeveloped areas, need to learn how to live together and follow rules. So, if you know you need to follow the rules and don’t do it, it’s just a rebellious act, not necessarily a smart one. On the contrary, it is wiser to learn the basic rules first before negotiating for improvement.

After understanding the above misconceptions, it is easy to understand that a truly smart child is probably

a. not only show the flexibility to operate the tablet or smart phone, but also understand how to use the functions. 

b. know how to capture the psychology of adults is the child’s natural ability, know how to control their own emotions is more intelligent. 

c. Language ability is not the only part of our assessment of intelligence; the “quality” and “quantity” of vocabulary are both important.

d. It is not unusual to surpass a child’s personal developmental milestones at only one stage, but it is the longer-term surpassing without pushing the valley that is noteworthy.

While intelligence is good, good character is also important.

Exercise to strengthen the brain function. Three moves to make children love sports

Written by: Fung Ji Hei, Game Therapist

I participated in a professional development exchange program for teachers in Taiwan earlier, and I was inspired by the emphasis on sports in Taiwan education, which I would like to share with parents. One of the schools on the exchange was the “Tiger Forest Elementary School”, a version of the Sports Institute Elementary School. As soon as we entered the school, the students welcomed us with a gymnastic exercise promoted by the government. They moved their hands and feet together to the beat and made all kinds of warm-up movements, which made people feel that they were as lively as the old tigers, and I was like entering a forest full of old tigers.

Sports can strengthen children’s learning ability

Principal Lau of Tiger Forest Primary School said the school is a government priority school, focusing on the physical development of students and believes that sports can strengthen their learning ability. Based on the research of John J. Ratey, MD, clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, they promote a zero-hour exercise program. The program encourages students to be physically active at all times, i.e., Anytime. During recess, students run to the playground to play sports. They play dodgeball, climbing frames, or badminton, and all students enjoy every moment of exercise.

Benefits of Exercise to Strengthen Brain Function

Exercise is known to be physically stimulating, but in Ratey’s research, he points out more benefits of exercise for the brain. He describes the brain as a message processing center that transmits messages through different transmitters (chemicals) in different pathways. When exercising, the brain can effectively produce more transmitters and strengthen the pathways, allowing messages to travel faster and more accurately.

Applying the theory to learning, students use exercise to strengthen their brain function, which in turn improves their learning performance. Studies have shown that exercise improves students’ concentration and memory, both of which are necessary for successful learning. In addition, exercise enables the brain to produce Dopamine (a chemical that makes students feel happy), which makes learning more enjoyable and leads to better grades.

How can I get my child to love sports?

In order for children to enjoy the time and benefits of sports, parents need to get their children to love sports. Here are three suggestions:

1. Sporadic exercise

Give your child more opportunities to play sports, such as providing the right time, tools, and place, and make sure the environment is safe for parents.

2. Healthy exercise

Teach your child to do exercise for the love of health and mention the health benefits of exercise. 3.

3. Exercise together

Enjoy the moment of exercise with your child and enjoy the good time of parent-child relationship.

Drawings peek into the inner world of children

Written by: Unleashing Mind  Professional  Counselling Academy

                   Psychotherapist  Lee Wai-Tong

Painting can give us room to express our feelings. I use a brush to create a dialogue with myself in another language, soothing my emotions or gaining insight and unlocking my heart. 

Crying over trivial stuff

In my past child counseling sessions, some parents came to me for help. They did not understand why their son, Ming, often cried over trivial things, such as being late for TV, late for dinner, or when his father came home late, etc. They mentioned the situation to Ming, but they did not understand why, which caused them trouble. Therefore, I suggested conducting a drawing assessment for Ming to understand the environment in which Ming grows up in his mind, which may help to understand the reason why Ming loves to cry. 

Drawing reveals the reason for crying

Ming drew a “family story”. While drawing, he expressed his feelings that his parents were busy with work all day, so he often played alone at home. When his parents came home, Ming wanted to play with them, but his father soon became impatient. In Ming’s mind, it seems that his father is always angry; whenever his mother sees this situation, she will argue with him. In Ming’s eyes, his mother always looks sad when she argues with his father. In Ming’s mind, he knew that his parents loved him, but when he saw that his father was angry and his mother was sad because of him, he felt sad.

A peek into the inner world through paintings

Later, I met with Ming’s parents again. They never imagined that the quarrel in front of Ming was deeply engraved in their son’s heart. In addition, the father also found that his tiredness after work affected the quality of parent-child interaction. In this regard, I taught the father some relaxation methods and suggested setting up a “calm zone” at home to give everyone a space to relieve their emotions, and the parents promised to avoid arguing in front of Ming. 

A month later, Ming no longer cried over trivial matters and the parent-child relationship was better than before. Painting can reflect children’s inner world view. In the process of creation, children project their inner world intentionally or unintentionally, so that we can understand their inner world and help them grow up healthily.

Written by: New Horizon Development Centre
Registered Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah

During the school season, we always hear sad cries at the entrance of the school, and it is always a headache for parents when children do not want to go to school alone

without their parents. Because newborns lack the ability to protect themselves, survive and feed themselves, they must rely on their parents in their daily lives. This is not

only true for humans, but also for babies of other mammals, such as dogs, lions, and

dolphins, who must rely on their parents for survival.

As they grow older, some children are able to live more independently and gradually

become independent of their parents, while others progress more slowly. For example, some three- and four-year-olds are not allowed to leave their eyesight even though

their parents are still at home; some cannot go to playgroups or extracurricular

activities by themselves, or they will scream and cry. In some cases, even if the mother is outside, the child refuses to go to the toilet alone.

Why do children rely on their parents?

Why do children become dependent? It may be because the child is not physically

active enough to take care of himself/herself, or it may be due to psychological factors, they are afraid or they are used to relying on their parents. In fact, parents can

gradually train their children to be independent, mentally and habitually, so that they

can reduce their over-dependence.

Increase the strength of using eating utensils

When children eat, they are passively fed by parents at first, then parents can hold their

children’s hands to feed them so that they need to move their arms. Then gradually

change the grasping part to the wrist, forearm, and elbow, so that the child needs to

gradually increase the strength of using the eating utensil

Increase parental time away from the child and walking time

When children are accompanied by their parents at home, one of the parents can try to

leave the child’s sight for a short period of time, and after the child gets used to it, both parents can leave together and let the child be taken care of by others. At the same

time, parents can also increase the time of leaving according to the child’s progress.

When going out, parents can gradually reduce the time of holding the baby and ask them to try to walk home by themselves. Instead of carrying the baby all the way home,

gradually change to carrying the baby to land at the door of the house, landing in front of the elevator, landing in the ground floor lobby, and landing after returning to the estate, gradually increasing the time for the baby to walk.

Inertia dependence of children is caused by parents

In fact, some children’s habitual dependence is caused by parents who take care of their children too much, give them too much, or give them too much help in the process of

growth. Some parents think that their children are weak and cannot do anything well,

so they do most of the work for them in order not to mess things up, and some parents even feel successful because their children are caring and dependent on them. If the

situation continues, it will have many negative effects on the child in the future.

One day, children will be independent of their parents and need to take care of

themselves, so parents should let go of their children appropriately in order to let them grow up. There are many books about the growth of children and objective guidelines

for appropriate behavior at each age for parents’ reference.

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